I find it fascinating how some people complain about guys going back home. Y’know to marry. I mean, why? We’d all throw our arms up at someone who insists on only marrying a doctor or something so why don’t we do the same when the restriction is instead a British passport?
These men are free people and so have that free choice to do so and in many cases it’s not like they wanted this to be the way things play out. The fact is that, for whatever reason, they’re not finding what they want in a wife here. They’re told that in real life people have to compromise, that they’ll never find the perfect partner and if that’s the case, surely it makes sense to be objective about the whole deal as opposed to being, quite frankly, nationalistic about it.
Consider a potential wife from the sub-continent. It shouldn’t be too difficult to find someone who'll fulfil their domestic role, would be subservient, kind, tolerant, won’t complain and will get on with your folks (well yes, since they had input in choosing them). They’ll be someone who’ll concentrate on making the family work rather than on the more superfluous things that distract us from daily life. It almost sounds like a no brainer to me - or at least a more attractive proposition than choosing or waiting for someone "you can communicate with and is on the same wavelength" or whatever excuse some people give for picking locals over those from back home.
I know what you're all thinking and no, there is no projection or self-convincing going on here. Nervous twitch.
Monday, September 19
Compromise
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>>here is no projection or self-convincing going on here.
ReplyDeleteyeah right whatever
people don't live happily ever after, they learn to just live.
ReplyDeleteshak- classic post man. i'm impressed. i agree- nothing wrong with going abroad if that's what someone wants. about the attributes...they're a little dubious and point to a little bit of self project. i'll give you the benefit of the doubt though!
ReplyDeleteif ever i heard a conversation with oneself this would be it. good luck whatever you decide :-)
ReplyDeletebut seriously it is a bit of a wierd situation. i understand where you're coming from. if you've exhausted the possibility of love tripping your way, and decided that you may as well marry first and let love follow, then it makes sense to pick someone that is compliant. that way at least you'll shift some of the balance of compromise away from yourself and onto them. it's an easier life than to have an arranged marriage with some opinionated career girl from the uk.
it only works for men though. assuming that values in the motherland are more traditional than values here, i can't imagine that a woman from the uk would be thrilled about stepping back in time and compromising to the expectations of a man from the subcontinent. i know i wouldn't be.
Sweet.. Often people who may criticise such a decision are a little chippy, taking it as a slight on British asians, or see it as some kind of backward step rather than a pragmatic choice as you've described.
ReplyDeleteIt's not uncommon at all to find women from Pak who do have their own opinions and will be able to communicate with you on certain levels at least; the main problem I see is having the time there to spend to find that out, and then a family who would allow you to do so (big city 'elite' types aside).
@keya: Judging by those women from here I know who've married from back home, many of the men are - or quickly become - accustomed to how we live here. By deciding to come here to marry often they do adjust their points of view on matters like women working accordingly. A lot depends on whether we'd be happy with someone who's maybe simpler and more straightforward in their expectations of marriage.