Why You're Not Married
A double feature? I swear this was a coincidence - in fact I received this link as I was writing the last post. It's so relevant that I had to post it, so apologies for sounding like a broken record.
If I was a woman, I'd so have written this article. It's all true you know. Men DON'T want someone who's angry. And while we're on the subject, we don't want "challenging debate" either (and any guy who says he does probably has other things in mind).
The rest of the stuff is pretty standard, if not brilliantly written. In particular this bit is especially true in my anecdotal experience, and kind of ties in with my last post about which gender appears to want to sacrifice who they are more:
Because ultimately, marriage is not about getting something -- it's about giving it. Strangely, men understand this more than we do. Probably because for them marriage involves sacrificing their most treasured possession -- a free-agent penis -- and for us, it's the culmination of a princess fantasy so universal, it built Disneyland.
Although of course that reasoning up there about free-agents is purely metaphorical for some. I'm talking about me, by the way.
Thanks to Fatima Cassim (who, by the way, also happens to be a woman) for the link.
The slant of your blog seems to be towards advising women on what they need to change in order to marry. I can only assume your readership is predominantly female or that you have a lot of unmarried female friends you care about and want to help out.
ReplyDeleteElse why is an unmarried man in his 30s more interested in how women can change than how he himself can change to get that ever elusive ring on his finger? There are plenty of men who find it easy to find a wife too, without needing to change the world one woman at a time… Maybe the pertinent question is not why some women aren’t getting married, but why the ones that are getting married, aren’t getting married to you.
Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment. I'm not sure how many of your questions are rhetorical, but since I'm a literal chap I'll answer them anyway.
I'm not sure what proportion of my readership is female, but judging by the response I get on comments I suspect over half are women. I don't think that's particularly relevant to what I write about - I don't write for an audience really, but if they want to read then that's okay with me - and if they gain any value from what they read then that's even better. I'm not sure if you clicked through to the article, but it was written by a woman and passed to me by a woman. I don't think I have to qualify myself in a particular way to air my thoughts on it.
I'm not here to change anyone. I believe everyone has a right to want and think what they want to. The truth is I don't actually care enough about people to want them to change - I'm a big believe in self determination and an individual has a much better idea of what's right for them than I do. This isn't about changing someone I kinda like to suit my needs but finding someone who suits my needs whom I kinda like. I do hope that there is at least one girl (preferably hot) who agrees with how I think.
However, if I observe an irony in a situation then I'm usually one to point it out too, and since I'm obsessed with getting married I guess I tend to notice them in that particular context the most. If anything, this is for my own amusement and development, not theirs. Check my posts on Islam and you'll notice it there too, all without any need for people to listen to me or change who they are.
Plenty of people are getting married (I was told of the good news of two friends just today in fact), and I also believe that anyone can today if they really wanted to enough. This includes me. As such I know exactly how I should change in order to get married. So in that sense the more interesting question you should be asking isn't "how can you change?" but "why are you not changing?". The answer to that is much deeper, and has got to do with concepts I feel are much larger than that of my personal happiness. Perhaps that's lofty, but hey. As for self-change in general, I think you're absolutely right and can only imagine that you've not really read this blog enough to have seen the places where I do look at and question my own way of thinking. It's why I'm responding to an anonymous comment with such a lengthy reply - writing it will help me loads, irrespective of whether you'll actually read it, comprehend it or neither.
As for finding out why the women getting married aren't marrying me, well I think that's a question you'd have to ask them... From my perspective though, as lovely as all these women are, I never feel like I've missed out on my perfect woman in them - just like I don't feel they've missed out on their perfect man in me. I certainly don't think I'm God's gift to all and every woman - the most I ever pray for is that I am for just the one; one whom, hopefully, I've yet to meet.
Hope that helps, and apologies if I ruffled any feathers with my post or blog as a whole.